I have concentrated on Exodus this week as I had this burning desire to read the entire book. I marveled at the wondrous miracles God did time and time again and yet, the Israelites still complained and doubted God's deliverance through every problem they encountered. I found myself thinking "I can't believe you guys. You walked across the DRY sea bed of the Red Sea with walls of water on each of side of you. All ONE MILLION of you ate from bread that fell out of the sky each and every day. All ONE MILLION of you drank from a rock that miraculously started springing water. Yet, you continuously moaned and complained about going back to Egypt where you "had it better!" Unbelievable." How quickly they forgot the saving power of God.
After 40 years on this earth, as I hate to admit it, I am guilty of the same thing. God's aim has always been to reveal himself to me. In every circumstance, I have had the opportunity to see God's character. I have seen him as a healer, a provider, he has fed us, he has clothed us, and he has sustained us. I remember many "melt downs" where I doubted God's provision. I would think "Well, I guess this is it. God is done with me. I think I'm being hung out to dry. I've made bad decisions and I'm just going to have to face the grim circumstances. . . " It's funny how in times of crisis, it's easy to forget God's faithfulness and goodness. Personally, I think most of the battle in life is just learning to trust and lean upon God. I'm not perfect in all of this, but I do feel like my natural instincts of fear and taking on an assumed posture of defeat has changed a lot. I have began "catching myself" and not allowing my mind to wander into self pity and despair. I think of the verse, "Why so downcast oh my soul, put your hope in God." I try to rehearse and focus on past victories instead of focusing on the problems at hand.
I wrote something this morning that expounds a little on this:
Father, I feel just like Moses. Somehow, I feel very insignificant and unable to do the great tasks set before me. However, I do recognize a destiny inside of me, a set apart and "for such a time as this" anointing. It is unmistakable and evident to me - like a constant humming in my ear, like an internal alarm quietly sounding. There is a leading, a trust and a knowing of where to turn and what to do each and every day. You have taught me to look beyond my momentary afflictions to a place of victory. I have learned to not allow myself to be overwhelmed and befuddled over life's trials. I immediately look for You - for your hand of deliverance. I instinctively reach out for it like a child grabs his mother's hand for security. The hand of my Father, who's grasp is sure, a slight tug pulling me through, helping me gain confidence through the valleys, a steadying support through the winding, rocky, trails up the mountain. A hand to hold and dance with on the mountain tops of life.
Exodus 15:13 - With unfailing love you will lead this people whom you have ransomed. You will guide them with your strength to the place where holiness dwells.